She came, she had me and she (almost) defeated
There comes a time when one must know jump into the moving train …
Today we speak of a state, fear, engulfed me in recent weeks and I’ve been very hard to get out.
Fear is a strange silent and invisible camisole whose dressed itself and especially you live suddenly and if not careful we became attached to her and get used to the point of not knowing how to free itself.
He took my mind and my body came in August when I decided to sell my creations and I launched my Etsy online.
If you ever do not know (which is probable to the extent I did little advertising on social networks) in August I officially started selling my creations and so I created an Etsy pending the launch of my own sales site current 2017.
I mention these two items if you have not read. Here and here .
After announcing that my creations were now on sale I was overcome with an immense fear gradually cut my legs, which is an ultimate for me who am in electric chair, but it’s really like that I felt things because I don’t have (or more) knew how to move forward and if it was used for something forward.
Afraid of what, and fear of who you will say me?
Afraid of everything, absolutely everything!
Fear of failure, doubt my ability to succeed at the point of forgetting that at least I tried.
Fear not know if my choices are good, fear of not having the strength to continue working alone because although Jordane and my sister lend me their body to show my creations, he does that I work absolutely alone artistically.
Afraid to communicate in a bad way on social networks thing that I don’t like and don’t know make.
I have to think about the design of my clothes by having absolute confidence in my choices which implies to take into account that my creations will not be all public in terms of forms, prints and prices. Fear not to make the right artistic choices that will federate.
And the ultimate fear was (and still is) the failure to make me known to the greatest number.
Before putting my creations on sale on Etsy, the fear was already there, well established in me and it is probably for this reason that I did not make too much effort to relay the info of the sale Of my clothes because I was leaving with a losing and totally defeatist spirit.
Then I received comments that of course I expected on the sale price which only reinforced my feeling of failure and my certainty that no one will buy my creations. To put it trivialally, I figured that if I do not align myself with the prices of Kiabi it’s dead, (Kiabi is a reputed brand for these low prices) but it was unthinkable and unacceptable to do that.
Fortunately since this thought left me thanks to my entourage and to some readers to whom I spoke of my anguishes. I felt carried by all those people who kept telling me not to let go.
This collection was made with great sincerity with little financial means.
I wanted to at least set foot in the other court, officially becoming a brand that offers sellable pieces.
I first discovered the complexity of creating something, launching a brand, and being in an electric wheelchair and having the status of a disabled person makes things even more complicated administratively, you don’t imagine how much.
It would take too long to detail everything I need to do and I am still in the process of carrying out administrative procedures that never end.
Despite the dizzying dimension of business creation in France, I am determined (finallyyyyyy) to make Nsqol a great brand and no matter how long it takes.
Even if the fear has slowed my momentum, my enthusiasm, my desire, my will to carry out this project that is close to my heart, today I come back gradually but it took me time.
I thought that the re-entry would energize me a new energy and it was exactly the opposite that happened.
I started September with the feeling that I’m going straight into the wall and that it would be better that I stop the fees.
The reason for this state of mind was that I did not sell as many pieces as I had hoped for, as well as being aware that customers would find it expensive.
The collection was in no way profitable and the fear of getting bogged down in financial problems if I continued to curb my ambitions.
However, that was not the only reason I lost confidence in myself and my work.
The first reason for my loss of confidence is that having no big financial means I get myself robbed of my work by brands and people who have spent far too much time coming to my blog to see what I was proposing.I was blown off each time to see my work resumed elsewhere with small differences, but in the end it was clearly mine. I say it because I had lively exchanges with people by e-mails who made a malicious pleasure to answer me that this or that thing was not deposited. Now this is no longer the case.
It was painful to digest and I recognized my share of responsibility in the way things happened even though I consider that there is an extremely pronounced taste for plagiarism in some people as well as mediocrity and immense Intellectual dishonesty.
I also observe that the way I express myself and articulate my thoughts on the relationship to the body, fashion and clothing is taken up by people who did not express themselves at all in this way … Anyway!
What I draw is that when you are not in the immediate action you are doubled. It’s the law of the jungle, the rule of the game, it must be done with.
The other reason that was the cause of my loss of confidence and my desire to give up all this is that I live in Nantes, It’s quite difficult for me to go to meet people and participate in events in Paris and others so it complicates the setting up of a broad social network that could relay my work and my approach. Social networks have an impact on success and if one isn’t present it’s difficult to exist.
Participating in events goes hand in hand with the presence on the social networks and that is very complicated for me because of the accessibility and because I’m not at ease with the movements of crowd.
There are of course the bloggers but we must have the means to cover them with gifts so that they deign to share the info and those who accept you quickly regret having solicited them given the behavior that ensues. That said I find it totally just also to offer a counterpart against a little advertising but I repeat, we must have the means.
For now I will avoid a time to solicit bloggers and try in the future to get by on my own if I can.
I have learned a lot of lessons in recent months and I’m not ready to forget them so as not to repeat the same mistakes.
I had a lot of invitations from Paris in order to discover new collections and to attend fashion-weeks but once again the accessibility was a brake to all this.
I wondered a lot about the choices I made in my life and what meaning to give Nsqol if I don’t have the mobility to get to know and meet people.
All these questions generated panic in me and the inability to resume my blog because I didn’t know too well which direction to give all this besides asking me if it was necessary to revive the conception of a new one collection.
The end of the year approaching I don’t want to end up on a negative note and live in this feeling of failure and then I realized that there are also good things about this blog.
For example, even by neglecting it as I have done lately I have continued to have a fairly high visitor rate now that I have understood (because Jordane, my companion and my companion for the creative business explained it) that « draining » for a blog between 50 and 60 visitors per hour was absolutely enormous even if paradoxically on the social networks one knows me little and I recognize that I do not really put mine.
It is Jordane who takes care of the kitchen and outbuilding of the blog so she gave me a brief summary that psychologically shocked me and of which I was not at all aware before.
So I come back always anxious and frightened but a little stronger and I have to move forward instead of getting bogged down in my neuroses and my existential crises.
My blog brings me concrete things and nourishes me humanly in addition to being a beautiful bridge between me and the others. Living in its bubble has its limitations and it’s time for me to leave.
So it was that fear came to take hold of me, actually got me and almost defeated me. I say well almost.
It’s thus that stops today my blues of the beginning which began.
The blog resumes service and welcome new people who follow me.
The rest of my stories in the next article and meanwhile I leave you with some pictures of one of my looks of the week.
Je vous embrasse and take care of yourself.
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